Gwen is an alter ego. The name is derived from the name Gwenhyfar, which is what King Arthur’s wife Queen Guinevere was called in The Mists of Avalon. Gwen chose the name Gwenhyfar for her alter ego because it rhymes with her real name, Jennifer.
Gwen grew up in the wilds of Northern Canada, where winter temperatures were often colder than -30°C (-22°F). As a child she frequently saw moose, deer, caribou, bears, porcupines, foxes and otters. Also, Gwen once drove a ski-doo through a river and didn’t get stuck! Now that’s talent.
Gwen is allergic to Pepto Bismol. However, she loves the television commercial jingle, and sings it often to annoy her family. Do you remember the jingle without Googling it?
Gwen was born exactly one week before Christmas, and as a result no kids ever came to her birthday parties growing up because their parents didn’t want to spring for another gift so close to the holidays. Gwen eventually got wise and disguised her birthday parties as Christmas parties. Attendance soared, but she still didn’t get any gifts.
Gwen got pregnant when she was fourteen years old and kept her baby. Many people thought she was nuts, but when she’s 32 and her daughter’s fully grown, who will be laughing then?
On a related note, Gwen honestly thought her daughter’s teenage years would play out just like on Gilmore Girls. However, her daughter’s a hormonal jerkface and Gwen herself grows three heads and breathes fire as soon as she gets home from work.
Gwen farts when she coughs. She can’t help it. She tries not to cough in public, but is not always successful.
Gwen is twenty-nine years old and doesn’t have a driver’s license. Sometimes people give her a hard time about it, but the truth of the matter is that she doesn’t like driving, can’t afford a car, lives in a city with fantastic public transit, and has a husband who drives.
Gwen does, however, sometimes feel guilty that her husband always has to be the designated driver.
Gwen speaks three languages – four if American Sign Language counts.
Gwen is ridiculously afraid wiener dogs, but grew up surrounded by Newfoundland dogs which are about 15 times the size of a Dachshund.
Gwen is so afraid of the SAW movies that once she peed her pants just by watching the trailer.
Gwen got drunk for the first time by drinking half a bottle of Goldschläger. She has never touched the stuff since (and it’s been over ten years).
Three (yes, three) of Gwen‘s former high-school boyfriends have since come out of the closet.
Gwen‘s oldest article of clothing is a tank top that she has had since she was sixteen years old. It still looks fantastic.
Gwen has a real-life frenemy named Tara. Gwen and Tara go through periods (usually lasting anywhere from one to five years) of intense friendship, followed by equally long periods of intense dislike, during which time they do terribly cruel things to each other. Currently, Gwen and Tara are friends. Because they’re both almost thirty years old, Gwen hopes they don’t become enemies again.
When Gwen was twelve years old, someone told her that smoking dried banana peel would get her high. Guess what. It doesn’t.
