We’ve all heard the old wives’ tales, and popular belief is that every person on the planet has a twin. Someone who looks just like them. A doppelganger, if you will. I’d never paid much attention to this theory before because really, what does it matter? One day, though, I was told a colleague had proof that I’d been to Edmonton despite my insistence that I’d never been out West. What follows is an eerie glimpse into the mirror and a plea for help.
The people you see every day - the people who work in your building, in their business suits and briefcases, or the tradesmen you see on the way to work, or the cashier where you buy your morning coffee, or the streetcar driver who never says good morning - do you ever wonder what they’re like in real life? What kind of music they listen to, what their favourite television show is? Do they watch porn? Do they eat their turkey sandwiches with mustard or with mayo? Are they ultra religious? Do they beat their spouses, yell at their kids? Are they being cheated on? Do they still live with their parents? Do they do drugs? Do they give to United Way? Are they dying? Do they like getting tied up and spanked? Are they afraid of the dark? Do they like onions? Do they have friends?
Sometimes, I wonder.
Sometimes, I wonder if anyone wonders about me.
Don't freak out or stop doing what you're doing!
Every so often, I will give you a peek at my favourite corners of the home I share with my family. This week is my kitchen.
I don’t think my kitchen has a specific style – unless “don’t paint the walls you naughty naughty renter” is considered a style. But we’ve added eclectic touches to make it our own.
On top of the refrigerator you’ll see our fantastic vintage turquoise breadbox. On the door of the breadbox is a small number of magnets from my expansive Places of the World Fridge Magnet Collection. Yes folks, the secret’s out: I’m an eighty-six year old woman who collects magnets from around the world.
The fridge itself is covered with a variety of things: my spices (which I use a LOT), our insult-themed magnetic poetry (which my teenage daughter particularly loves) and a portrait of me my husband sketched on a restaurant paper tablecloth with the wax crayons they NORMALLY only give to kids (but my husband is special). During the school year, the fridge would also be covered with timetables and schedules, shopping lists, school notices, chore charts and the like.
Finally on the (unpainted, renters-white) wall is the coolest thing I’ve ever bought in my life: a Keep Calm and Carry On wall decal. I found its at Winners yesterday. I’ve always loved the old British WWII posters and (surprisingly) the room I most often find myself in when I need to calm down is the kitchen, so it was the ideal spot. I’m on the lookout for a frame I can remove the glass and back from and hang around this new decal.
So there you go. Now you know what the room I cook, clean, and create in looks like.
What’s your favourite room? I challenge you to take a picture of your favourite corner and tell us why you love it so much.
Happy Sunday!
All the screw you’s in the universe.
SCREW YOU, cat hair that clings to the rug when I try to vacuum!
SCREW YOU, dirty dishes!
SCREW YOU, city of Toronto smog!
SCREW YOU, people who can sleep in despite no AC and no curtains!
SCREW YOU, technology, for not inventing a machine I can give food orders to! (Tea, earl gray, hot.)
SCREW YOU, Lake Ontario, for being too polluted to swim in!
SCREW YOU, Rogers cable television, for being so sucky!
SCREW YOU, Royal Bank cash machines, for not spewing forth riches undeserved!
SCREW YOU, George Bush! Just because! Love, Canada!
SCREW YOU, curried lentil stew, for being an inappropriate breakfast choice!
SCREW YOU, weekend-long training I’m in but didn’t know about because nobody sent me a confirmation!
SCREW YOU, lunch, for making ME come to YOU!
SCREW YOU, guys giving away free hot sauce outside, for running out as soon as I got there!
SCREW YOU, best friend, for never returning my emails!
SCREW YOU, alcohol, for being an inappropriate workday beverage!
SCREW YOU, Coca-Cola, for not doing anything about factory workers in Columbia being murdered for trying to unionize!
SCREW YOU, eyebrows, for being scraggly!
SCREW YOU, teenage daughter, for not EVER performing random acts of kindness!
SCREW YOU, Friday afternoon, for not being a national holiday!
SCREW YOU, Rob Ford, because you’ll probably win the mayoral election and you’re STUPID!
SCREW YOU, farting subway commuter. At least have the decency to not giggle and fan it away from you!
Aaaaaaaaand I’m done. I feel much better now.
Gwen Styles is the alter ego of one Jennie Miller, a small-town girl living in the heart of Toronto. She's an activist, an advocate, a Twitter fiend, a future political dynamo and an unashamed Y&R fan who loves festivals, the great outdoors, her girlchild and her mama.
gwenstylez@gmail.com
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