As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been struck with a bit of writer’s block. I’ve got some big bold plans for this blog (including subdomains! And more photos! OF ME!) but for now, indulge me in some post-a-day’ing. Probably not EVERY day, but we’ll see how she goes. Suggested topics courtesy of The Daily Post.
Today’s Topic: Why Is It So Hard To Forgive?
If this topic had come up a few months down the road, I’d probably have written something about forgiving my ex for destroying our marriage and my life. But I am not at the forgiveness stage yet (um, obviously). I am still at the anger stage, and the trying-to-ignore-the-anger stage. Doesn’t mean I’m pining; far from it! I am happier, more confident and better off than I’ve ever been. I’m taking time for me, I’m meeting great new people, and someday I’m sure my REAL Prince Charming (and not a guitar-playing impostor) will sweep me off my feet. But… well, let’s just put it this way: despite the fact that my life is shaping up to be pretty fabulous, it’s not the same fabulosity I’d planned for myself, so I’m pretty pissed off about it.
Forgiveness. It’s hard, yo! When something truly bad happens in your life, you’re upset, you’re heartbroken, but also… you’re angry. Really angry. And whether you admit it or not, that anger is comforting. Being really pissed off keeps the other emotions at bay. You hold that anger like a talisman. It absolves you of responsibility, it places the blame right where you think it belongs, and it serves to show others just how wronged you’ve been.
Forgiving is the act of letting that anger go, and that’s really hard for some people to do. True forgiveness can only come after all the other emotions have played out – denial, anger, depression, the need to rationalize.
Like I said above – I am not an expert on the subject of forgiveness. As a matter of fact, I think I have a lot to learn, and I hope I learn it sooner or later. I’m worried I’ll be angry the rest of my life. Nobody* deserves that.
* And by nobody, I specifically mean me :)
