Last night, I was minding my own business, just heading to Red Lobster for some crab legs with my gentleman friend. I was looking forward to the hot savoury biscuits and the mid-week alcoholic beverage I planned on ordering (don’t look at me like that, Dad, I’m a grown up and I’ll drink vodka on Thursdays if I wanna!) and was just explaining to my companion that I really didn’t understand the appeal of drawn butter with seafood cause, well, it’s just freaking butter and who put butter on meat, anyway?
As we were preparing to pull into the parking lot, we noticed some shit-for-brains on one of those e-bikes zooming down the sidewalk. The sidewalk! Whatta jerk! He was weaving from side to side too – it was ridiculous. So we’re just about to make a right turn into the parking lot (using the driveway with the big IN sign, cause we like obeying signs yo) when a dude in a white work van makes a left turn into the street (from the IN driveway, because he’s a rebel who disobeys signs I guess). This guy was seriously ugly – bright yellowish red afro that started right at the top of his head because of his receding hair line, a sleeveless basketball jersey, and crazy I’m-on-crack bugged out eyes.
Well, he didn’t look where he was going when he pulled out, because he was too busy cackling at e-bike guy, and he T BONED ANOTHER CAR! We saw the whole thing.
Which means we also saw him freak the hell out, throw that work van into reverse, and flee the scene through the Red Lobster parking lot at about 80kmph. We rushed to the woman in the middle of Dufferin Street, who saw my gentleman friend approaching and starting pointing at him and screeching “you hit me! You hit my car!!!”
When he succeeded in reassuring her that it wasn’t us that hit her, she threw her arms around him in a big ole adrenaline induced bear hug and then I got so jealous I beat her up.
Just kidding haha
Anyway, we provided descriptions and our contact info and off she went on her merry little way to the collision reporting centre.
This is what the guy looked like. I spent all afternoon drawing *cough*tracingfrompicturesiprintedofftheinternet*cough* this picture so gimme a little love, wouldja?
Look Ma I'm An Artist!
