Actually it’s my toe that was broken! It happened in late November. Don’t ask me how I did it, though. I mean, well of course I stubbed my toe and that’s how it broke, but I am ashamed (actually not that ashamed hah) to admit I don’t remember doing it. I went to my friend Michelle’s house for dinner one night before the holidays, you see, and we had some wine. Then we went to the liquor store and bought… more wine. When that wine was done, we went to the bar next door to Michelle’s house (how convenient is THAT?!) and had whiskeys. That’s where it gets a little hazy. Michelle and her fiance poured me into a streetcar and I magically floated home, where I put myself to bed without having three bowls of cereal or emptying my sock drawer, honest.
When I woke up the next morning, I was a bit hungover, but not that bad. I did the whole take-stock-before-moving-or-opening-my-eyes thing, and went through The Hangover List, one by one:
1. No headache, good.
2. No nausea, good.
3. Little thirsty, no big deal.
4. Pain scan… good, good, so far so… WHAT THE HELL?
Just after I stretched my legs, I wiggled my toes. Stars exploded in my vision and I was immediately sick to my stomach. The baby toe on my right foot suddenly became the centre of the universe and everything pulsated around it, absorbing it, trying to deflect the pain of it, simultaneously keeping it at bay and swaddling it tight to ease the torture.
I attempted another wiggle. This time, I could not contain myself, and I cried out in pain. Which brought my teenage daughter in to investigate why mom’s crying like a baby at seven thirty on a Sunday morning. Here’s the exchange that occurred:
Gwen Junior: What’s wrong, Mom?
Gwen: I think my toe is broken.
Gwen Junior: What?! How’d you break your toe?!
Gwen: I can’t recall, actually.
Gwen Junior: Mother. Did your toe get broken because it was drunk? *chuckles*
Gwen: Yes. *hangs head*
SO THEN I DID WHAT ANY RATIONAL PERSON WOULD DO. I took three Tylenols, put on a pair of Birkenstocks and went out for brunch with my girlfriends because nothing makes a broken toe bearable like three dollar bloody caesars and brunch.
