I found this blog post on an old site, and just had to share it. I wrote it about a year ago, after a super fun all-girls weekend road trip to Montreal. It’s a fun (albeit creepy) example of the types of weirdos you run into on the road. What’s your craziest from-away story? Who’s the absolute weirdest person you’ve ever run into on vacation or on a business trip? Leave me a comment and tell me about it!
Just take. the. damn. picture. so. we. can. go. buy. beer.
On Saturday night, Michelle and I went out for a (very very) late-night stroll along Rue Ste-Catherine in Montréal. If my mother knew I’d been out wandering around the busiest part of an unfamiliar city, full of cheap wine and straight-up Absolut, at the ungodly hour of three o’clock in the morning, she would probably freak out. (Oops, forgot she reads this. Good thing I’m almost thirty and she can’t spank my bum anymore!)
The place we stayed in was kinda grungy, and by kinda I mean I kept my shoes on to sleep.
After picking up some amazing pineapple juice at a busy late-night Lebanese eatery, we strolled (stumbled) our giggly-ass selves back to our hotel, and as soon as we walked in the door the attendant working the 24-hour check in desk practically POUNCED on us. Obviously he was bored, lonely, and desperate to chat us up.
Well, wouldn't YOU pounce on two such beautiful women?
He started off the conversation in a weird way: “Hey, have you guys been drinking?” We replied that we indeed had been (I thought briefly about lying, until I realized I probably smelled like I’d had a bath in Bright’s House Wine), and he then asked us if we’d just been out eating. Not wanting to say “no you freaking weirdo, we were out smoking meth in public and trying to get into a strip bar that turned out to be a brothel and since neither of us had the required 50$ to get in we came back to this dump”, we told him no, we had had a big dinner earlier.
Wait. What?
So then he proceeded to offer us each a piece of fried chicken. Uh….. okay. He was being kinda weird about it and, not wanting to offend the sober weird guy while we were drunk, and also (admittedly) being a little hungry, we each accepted a piece and stood at the check in desk chatting with the guy and kinda not eating the chicken.
When I was thinking about it the next morning, my initial thought that it was my inebriation that made the whole situation so weird was ruled out by the fact that dude, this guy was fucking WEIRD!
He told us that he was “just helping out his dad’s friend who owned this dump” by working the night shift, and that he’d much rather be partying. He then told us that he likes nothing better than to drive up and down Mont Royal at breakneck speeds after “chugging back a few” because it was exhilerating. He proceeded to offer us each “a Heineken or a Corona” since he keeps the trunk of his car “well stocked”. (BETTER BELIEVE WE SAID NO TO THAT!!)
At this point, we’re slowly backing towards the stairs, but he’s still chatting us up, man! Tells us how much money he has from going to the casino and from “a little side job I have” that he was extremely elusive about, divulging only that “it wasn’t anything to do with drugs or anything like that”. What was he hinting at? Racketeering? Human trafficking? Prostitution? Did he honestly think we would be IMPRESSED somehow?
Then in the morning we had poutine for breakfast and forgot about the weird chicken guy. The end.
The place we stayed in was kinda grungy, and by kinda I mean I kept my shoes on to sleep.
We’ve all heard the old wives’ tales, and popular belief is that every person on the planet has a twin. Someone who looks just like them. A doppelganger, if you will. I’d never paid much attention to this theory before because really, what does it matter? One day, though, I was told a colleague had proof that I’d been to Edmonton despite my insistence that I’d never been out West. What follows is an eerie glimpse into the mirror and a plea for help.
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