All the screw you’s in the universe.

SCREW YOU, cat hair that clings to the rug when I try to vacuum!
SCREW YOU, dirty dishes!
SCREW YOU, city of Toronto smog!
SCREW YOU, people who can sleep in despite no AC and no curtains!
SCREW YOU, technology, for not inventing a machine I can give food orders to! (Tea, earl gray, hot.)
SCREW YOU, Lake Ontario, for being too polluted to swim in!
SCREW YOU, Rogers cable television, for being so sucky!
SCREW YOU, Royal Bank cash machines, for not spewing forth riches undeserved!
SCREW YOU, George Bush! Just because! Love, Canada!
SCREW YOU, curried lentil stew, for being an inappropriate breakfast choice!
SCREW YOU, weekend-long training I’m in but didn’t know about because nobody sent me a confirmation!
SCREW YOU, lunch, for making ME come to YOU!
SCREW YOU, guys giving away free hot sauce outside, for running out as soon as I got there!
SCREW YOU, best friend, for never returning my emails!
SCREW YOU, alcohol, for being an inappropriate workday beverage!
SCREW YOU, Coca-Cola, for not doing anything about factory workers in Columbia being murdered for trying to unionize!
SCREW YOU, eyebrows, for being scraggly!
SCREW YOU, teenage daughter, for not EVER performing random acts of kindness!
SCREW YOU, Friday afternoon, for not being a national holiday!
SCREW YOU, Rob Ford, because you’ll probably win the mayoral election and you’re STUPID!
SCREW YOU, farting subway commuter. At least have the decency to not giggle and fan it away from you!

Aaaaaaaaand I’m done. I feel much better now.