*UPDATE* So my mother called me about ten minutes after I posted this to provide me with a detailed list of all the awesome Christmassy shit she does, thereby refuting my claim that she’s a grinch. And she’s right – I just like to poke a bit of fun at my mom sometimes, I love her. She made a very valid argument: it’s not that she hates the holidays, it’s that she hates what the holidays do to some people. Totally true.

Normally I’d pretty this post up with a picture or something but y’all are just gonna have to deal because I’m not having it today.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays. It’s my favourite time of year. To begin with, my birthday is just a week before Christmas, so growing up the two events a kid looks forward to all year were, for me, back-to-back. I love almost everything about Christmastime: the lights, the decorations, the music, the food (oh God the foooooooood), the parties, the drinking, the gift exchanges, the shopping (yes, I even love the shopping), and of course, spending more time than usual with friends and family.

But this year, it’s been a real struggle to go through the motions, and I’m not sure why. It seems I’ve lost my holiday mojo. I can pinpoint a few things that may have caused this:

1. Holiday Haterz. They’re everywhere this year! What the holly? I have a couple of Grinches in my family – you learn to grin and bear their grumblings. If it were anyone else I’d go postal, but you don’t tell your mom to STFU. I get that not everyone enjoys the holiday season. You’d like to think they’d be sensitive to others and would try to curb their rage, but ragey people aren’t really that well-known for their rage-curbing abilities. Anyway, I already know how to deal with my mom’s bah-humbug attitude: I just keep her nice and tight. Hey Ma – ever wonder why I drink three times as much during the holidays as I normally do, and why I always take you down with me? It’s cause I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU NOW HAVE A MERRY GODDAMN CHRISTMAS. (lol) This year, I’ve had to deal with a couple of bitter angry people in my workplace, too, who have entitlement issues and decided to kick up a big stink about what they’re NOT getting for the holidays. And that’s discouraging. With the poverty, hunger, political chaos, and serious bullshit going on out there in the world, knowing that some people really think that much of themselves is a real downer when the holidays are supposed to be about everything other than receiving (although trust me, I do get the irony in that). While these two lovely, lovely individuals DID almost succeed in ruining my holiday happiness, I am happy to say I managed to get back on track (helped in no small part by my good friend Mr. J. Daniels) and am back in the ho-ho-ho spirit.

2. Busy-ness. I’ve been damn busy, son. In October, I spent a month away from my job; instead of answering fifty phone calls a day from pissed-off people with entitlement issues, I spent 70 hours a week following a little guy with big dreams all over the city in his progressive, and unfortunately unsuccessful, bid for Mayor. I had a great time, made many important contacts, and learned a lot of super neat shit.  But I mean, I am a sedentary, middle-aged office drone, and it took a toll on me. The day that gig ended I fell sick from sheer exhaustion and I feel like I’ve been playing catch-up ever since. I spent the entire month of November up to my arse in grievances, harassment and discrimination complaints, and discipline issues. All this on top of my regular job, which as I mentioned before, typically involves eating shit on the phone all day from people who really don’t see the point in being nice to poor call centre assholes like me. In early December, I was elected to the executive board of my union’s area council AND I was recruited to lobby my member of provincial parliament about how my good friend Dalton McQuinty wants public service workers to take a pay cut next year (and how we’re gonna tell him to blow it out his butt). On top of all this, I was in night school once a week until recently (and am now an accredited union counselor, BOOYA). So uh, how’ve ya been? I’ve been a mite busy, kids.

3. Mo’ money, mo’ problems. Our problem, however, is definitely not mo’ money. It’s less money. But I won’t bore you with an explanation. Yes, I do see the world’s smallest violin player sitting on your shoulder playing the world’s saddest tune just for me. Shut up and get me some Bailey’s, shorty.

4. C’mon get up, get down with the sickness! And oh baby, what a sickness it’s been. My best friend’s had it for almost a month. My ex had it for over two weeks. I started shovelling Cold FX and Vitamin C horse pills into my maw the moment they started sneezing but all it got me was just barely healthy enough to go to work, not QUITE sick enough to stay home without feeling guilty. SO BASICALLY I BLAME DON CHERRY: FOR ENDORSING SUCH A MEDIOCRE COLD REMEDY AND FOR CALLING ME A LEFT-WING PINKO LAST WEEK. (What? It hurt my feelings?) (Okay, it really didn’t LOL.)

Anyway, my first official round of holiday parties is this week, and on Saturday it’s my (30th) birthday, so I hope that all this liquid happiness will be enough to put a bit of mojo back in my step.