Well, sort of.

When I set out to write this post, I didn’t know whether to use the term jealousy or envy. I looked up the definitions of both, and found that neither really applied:

jeal·ousy Noun. Feeling of resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages.

en·vy Noun. A feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, possessions, etc.

I’ll try to explain what I’m feeling, and then I hope that you, gentle reader, will help me find the words to describe what I’m feeling.

Many of my friends and family members are experiencing great change and/or happiness right now.  Roslyn, my dearest friend since high school, gave birth to her fourth beautiful child this year. @ms_snickerpants, one of my very best friends, is getting married to the man of her dreams. My friend Isabel has just moved to South Korea where she is embarking on a great adventure teaching English and exploring the world. You can read about her adventures here. My youngest brother and my stepsister have both risked everything to make their dreams come true, and have emerged victorious in love and acceptance. My new friend Val turned her entire life upside down to finally be true to herself, and is now a proud, confident, happy Lesbian woman (not that she wasn’t before, but not having to hide your feelings and beliefs must feel so empowering and uplifting).

So here’s the thing: while I do have my own awesome stuff going on right now, I’m also jealous of the serious fabulosity my friends are enjoying right now. But jealousy isn’t the right word, because what I feel isn’t negative in any way, shape or form. I don’t wish to have what they have, and I don’t wish for them not to have it. I don’t feel they don’t deserve it, and I certainly don’t feel I deserve it more.

So what, exactly, am I feeling? Is it a simple matter of being happy for them? Because I am. So much. But there’s got to be a word for it! Can you help?